Social media is something that has become an identifiable feature of Generation Z, those born between 1997 – 2012. A phone has become another limb for some, where they can’t go anywhere without posting a picture on their Instagram story or making a TikTok. Recently for me I have found I have been on social media a lot more throughout lockdown, as I’m sure many others have also, and it is slowly having a toll on my happiness. Now that sounds so extreme and dramatic but I’m just being honest. I’ll explain in this blog post the toxic nature I have found in social media and as a side note, I have chosen not to include any images throughout. This is because I don’t want to put myself through looking for the kind of images getting me down, as well as the fact many other people may feel the same as me, and I don’t want to upset them likewise.
So, to put things in simple terms, I think social media has become a very toxic place. Now, it could be due to my own mentality, but I’m finding myself get physically upset whilst I’m scrolling through different apps. We can easily give social media too much power to make or break our feelings of self-worth. Lockdown has put enough pressure on our mental health, and with every influencer here there and everywhere telling us we should be super productive and be working out every day, it really takes a toll when you don’t have the energy to do that. It makes me feel so guilty.
I’ll talk you through my social media pattern. Scrolling through Instagram I can’t help but compare myself to others. As much as I try, I can’t help but wish that I had her waist or had her flat stomach. Coming off Instagram I go to Twitter where I see people tear each other down and insult other people just for a laugh. The negativity scrolling through just gets tiring to see, even when you’re not even involved. Usually, I would turn to TikTok for a bit of a laugh, but recently, that’s been getting me down also. I’m all for body positivity and if you think you look good that day, sure go ahead, post a TikTok! However, what is upsetting to see is when a gorgeous girl posts something and the comments are flooded with ‘wasn’t planning on eating today anyway’ or ‘I wish I looked like you’. The most heart-breaking part is when looking deeper into it, its young teenage girls commenting these things where it can become really damaging for them.
Social media used to be a fun creative release for me a few months ago. I looked forward to clicking on different apps and seeing what my friends were up to, people’s opinions on things, or an incredible piece from an artist, but now due to the negativity and the guilt for not doing the same things as everyone else, it is nothing but draining and upsetting. I’ll lock my phone and stare at the wall for a couple of minutes, upset I don’t look like that incredible influencer, or I’m not doing a workout like one of my friends. It’s tiring. To some, this would sound like a petty and silly problem to have and I agree, it sounds ridiculous as I’m typing my thoughts, but the feeling has overcome me.
I’m searching for validation through likes and social interactions. Yesterday, I posted a collage on my uni Instagram 4 times, because I felt like it wasn’t getting enough likes within the first 20 minutes. Why? Why am I letting a simple double tap on a screen get to me so much? And to put it simply, I do not know. I don’t know why I’ve let such simple silly things get to me. I should be my own person, posting what I want or not posting at all, because I’m in control of what app I click on and when I go on my phone. I’m putting it down to boredom. Not having as many things to keep my mind occupied so I’m aimlessly scrolling, letting the little things really get to me.
This has led me to think I need to get a hold of myself and shake myself out of this social media and like obsession. I do think it sounds silly that I’ve let it control me in a way. Social media isn’t even real, it’s a distorted version of reality. But still, it gets to me. And I know I’m not the only one; I’m not the only one that has really felt this feeling of shame and remorse. So, in a way that is almost comforting. I know that sounds ridiculous, I’m not happy others feel the same because that in itself is upsetting to know a picture on your phone can make you cry.
I’m putting it largely down to my own mental health and confidence issues and therefore I’m going to make a conscious effort to not go on my own phone as much, starting from today. This will help me get away from that feeling of guilt because I won’t know what is being posted. I had a worry that I might feel lonely during this time, but I’ve learnt there’s a big difference between loneliness and stillness. We need stillness and it can help us live in the present, providing a focus that we can use to our advantage. I’ll still keep talking to my friends, just not as often and maybe through text and not Snapchat. Hopefully this will bring my mood up and I won’t be such a misery to talk to. I guess I’ve written this blog more for a release of my emotions more than anything, and by putting it in writing, hopefully I can reflect in a few weeks time and see an improvement in myself.
So, to round this off, I just want to wish people to be a little bit kinder, to others as well as yourself. Don’t insult someone for the chance of a few retweets, and don’t put yourself down if you see an image of someone you think is pretty. You are you, and that’s the best you can be, don’t be a sheep and copy someone else. If you feel yourself getting upset by social media, take a little break from it, there’s no harm in trying. And once you feel you’re ready, log back in and enjoy the content you’re being shown. Cater your social media to your own happiness, if something you see is upsetting you, unfollow or mute it. Put your own well-being first instead of a number on a followers count.
Be kind and take a break.
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