I’m going to go for a bit more personal post this evening, so I’m not going to beat around the bush, university can be a really lonely place. You might not think it considering you’re surrounded by people in lectures and seminars, but when they’re over and done with and you’re sat back in your room, it can feel extremely lonely and isolating. I’m someone who enjoys my alone time just as much as the next person, but recently, I feel like I’ve experienced a bit too much alone time that I’ve drove myself silly, and quite frankly, pretty sad.
Before starting uni I had such high expectations from seeing all my friends love their first year (I did another year at college so was now a year behind them), and I had no reason to think I wasn’t going to feel the same. People being so excited for me to start and being told I’ll have the best time of my life. However, when I moved into my accommodation in September it quickly dawned on me how alone and quiet my room felt when my parents said their goodbyes and drove back home. But at that time the loneliness could be pushed away by freshers and going out and putting the sadness down to being extremely hungover. But the hangover went, and the sadness and loneliness were still there. Why? Because in the four walls of my uni room it was only me, myself, and I.
Most people in the first few weeks went out with their flatmates and live their best lives being independent and free. However, in my flat, that wasn’t the case. Don’t get me wrong, I live with some lovely people and I’m glad there’s no arguments over who’s left their spoon in the sink again, but there was no one I truly gelled with and felt like they were ‘my’ kind of person. So, as the days went on, and no bonds really being formed in my accommodation as well as on my course, I started not going out as much, and spending a lot more time in my room. Lying in bed scrolling on Instagram and Snapchat, seeing people going out having a ball whilst I just felt so lonely. I felt like I had no friends and that I didn’t really fit in. Now you’re probably thinking, Lucy, you’re definitely not helping yourself there. And you’re right I wasn’t, but I felt like I’d be a burden or a little tag along if I went out with someone and their flat. Sounds stupid when I think about it now but then it felt like everyone was settled and I couldn’t intrude on that. Also, on my course, the first few weeks were rocky, people were too hungover to really properly interact with each other and I wasn’t really enjoying the introductory things, meaning I found it difficult to be happy and upbeat when in reality I didn’t really want to be there. So, the whole combination of all of that, I found it pretty rough.
Despite feeling so lonely and sad, I felt like I couldn’t voice how I felt to begin with because I thought the reasoning sounded stupid. Like ‘oh I’m sad because I haven’t found anyone to go out with and then have a hungover spoons breakfast the next day’ but I don’t know, it seemed to be the smallest things that got to me. Another reason was because I was only a couple months into actual uni life, but it just didn’t seem to be getting better for me, making me wonder whether uni was actually the right thing for me. When I finally began speaking to my friends and family about it, the message I gathered was ‘it’s fine, give it time! It’ll get better!’ So, I waited, day by day, hoping just one person I’d chat to and click with straight away. But it didn’t happen, and I was getting more and more upset. It’s not like I was just sat there waiting for people to talk to me, I thought I was really putting effort into chatting to people, but it seemed to be just that one conversation, never anything further. So, I’d go back to my room, and get into bed and scroll through my socials again getting more upset. What also didn’t help is the fact it’s getting darker and darker earlier now, which just makes me want to stay in bed even more and feel a little bit more sad there’s about 0.37 hours of sunlight in a day.
Despite this very sad blog post (soz about that one) there is light at the end of the tunnel. One day I went to uni and just started chatting to some people on my course and felt like finally !!!!!! someone I really get on with !!!! literally just one interaction I could already tell it was a nice and positive one, each day going into uni had more people I could say hi to because I was getting to know these people around me, they weren’t just a face anymore. I now have people I sit with in lectures and seminars, which just makes me feel a lot more comfortable and happier. So, I guess time really was the key thing I needed to remember. What matters now is that things are getting a bit better and yes of course, I do have down days where the loneliness is increased by 73%,, but I need to remember things don’t just happen overnight and friendship is something that’s gradual. A major point I need to constantly remind myself as well is that social media isn’t real, people may be laughing in an Instagram picture and look like they’re having the best time, but maybe they’re the exact same as me, sat in bed with tears down their face. I’ve spoken to a few of my friends and I think it surprised me how many of my friends said they felt lonely at uni too, because everyone always makes it out to be the best most social time of your life but that’s just not the case for everyone. So, if you’re feeling this way too, you’re not alone and a lot of people do feel the same way.
here's a link to a Buzzfeed video I think visualises what I'm trying to say.
To end this post on a high note, I want to give a couple shoutouts to my huns for keeping me as happy as they can whilst I’ve been in Notts.
I used to work with Robyn at home, and we all know work mates are the best mates, spilling all your deepest darkest secrets to each other whilst putting a jumper back on its coat hanger. Thank you for inviting me out with you or simply knowing the right thing to say when I’m having a rough one. Oh, and thanks for letting me sleep on your floor when I can’t be bothered to get the bus back to my accommodation.
Big ups Mia P for being a Brum gal and strolling in wearing a pink fur coat and us just gelling straight away. Many giggles have already occurred and many more are soon to come when we become house hunnies and take Notts by storm.
And finally, I owe a lot to my boyfriend, Ethan. Whether it’s facetiming me whilst making my tea to keep me company or you just being silly to make me laugh, thank you. The tears of sadness become tears of happiness and I’m very grateful to have you. Love you.
So, to sum up this blog post, I guess all I have to say is time can be your best friend as well as your greatest enemy. Things aren’t going to go your way straight away but that’s okay. These are things I need to keep telling myself and see that it’s okay to be upset, and it’s even more okay to talk to people why you’re upset. Chances are you’re not alone and there are so many people out there who want to make you happy.
Big hugs and love to everyone x
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